Your story seems like it is going to be very exciting- almost like a murder mystery about to unfold. It grabbed my attention and I'm eager to see what happens next.
Also, I've been to Melbourne several times so I'm really able to visualize the setting.
One question I had was, "What's a signal 7?". I think it'd be really interesting and suspenseful if you pointed out what that particular signal meant. It'd add a bigger sense of the seriousness of the situation.
Hi Kristen. I notice that you have two copies of your text on the blog - obviously, delete the redundant one. Then break it up some. Remember: short, scannable text. You could break that across several postings to the blog - take each paragraph as a posting, for example. Now, I like the way you've put the images as links in the text. You might consider embedding some into the text itself as well (that is: rather than link to the image, click on the image button and then use the url to the image on flickr). But the way you've done it is fine. The text is fascinating - great to hear this story - and I actually know the area (I have relatives near Melbourne). I'd be interested to hear more about some details (who is Crystal, for example? What other things did you typically do?) I'm interested to hear more - what kind of things did you do at the scene? What test or samples or whatever? What conclusions did you draw? Did you "solve the crime"? The map is effective but I would add more stops - perhaps indicating other locations of crime scenes? Or other places involved in your work? The hanger at the airport is a good start - I wonder if you can tell us more about this in the text? In all, I think this will be excellent, and simply take a little more elaboration of the text, map, etc.
2 comments:
Your story seems like it is going to be very exciting- almost like a murder mystery about to unfold. It grabbed my attention and I'm eager to see what happens next.
Also, I've been to Melbourne several times so I'm really able to visualize the setting.
One question I had was, "What's a signal 7?". I think it'd be really interesting and suspenseful if you pointed out what that particular signal meant. It'd add a bigger sense of the seriousness of the situation.
Good job so far!
Hi Kristen. I notice that you have two copies of your text on the blog - obviously, delete the redundant one. Then break it up some. Remember: short, scannable text. You could break that across several postings to the blog - take each paragraph as a posting, for example. Now, I like the way you've put the images as links in the text. You might consider embedding some into the text itself as well (that is: rather than link to the image, click on the image button and then use the url to the image on flickr). But the way you've done it is fine. The text is fascinating - great to hear this story - and I actually know the area (I have relatives near Melbourne). I'd be interested to hear more about some details (who is Crystal, for example? What other things did you typically do?) I'm interested to hear more - what kind of things did you do at the scene? What test or samples or whatever? What conclusions did you draw? Did you "solve the crime"? The map is effective but I would add more stops - perhaps indicating other locations of crime scenes? Or other places involved in your work? The hanger at the airport is a good start - I wonder if you can tell us more about this in the text? In all, I think this will be excellent, and simply take a little more elaboration of the text, map, etc.
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